be inspired
In relationships, we often fight over our petty differences. Our arguments typically transpire from arguing about a problem to arguing about the argument. By the end of the argument we frequently forget what the original problem was and start to see how a simple comment has led a couple from not speaking to one another.
So why do we argue? Whether it is about finances, work, family, lifestyle, or anything that effects us on a daily basis, we unconsciously argue as a poor attempt to have our spouse concede on a certain issue. No matter how similar we think we are to one another, all couples have differences in beliefs, values, lifestyles, and wants and needs. We spend countless time in our relationship compromising with one another, striving to come from both ends of the spectrum to the middle. Due to poor communication, we argue to “gain ground” and have our spouse meet us further on our end.
Weekly inspiration
While some arguments can be a constructive way to relieve stress and express feelings and emotions which may have been hidden, most arguments consist of poor communication and a mindset focused on “winning.” So how can this be changed?
The most important factor to reduce destructive arguments is to fight the problem, not the person. Again, fight the problem, not the person. Metaphorically speaking, you need to sit on the same side of the table and put the problems in front of you. You need to discuss what your needs and wants are and attack each problem with equal concessions until an agreement is met. No longer do you need to fight each other, with a believed outcome of 1 “winner” and an actual outcome of 2 “losers.” You can now fight the problem with an outcome of 2 “winners.”
Take this a step further. This method can be applied in your relationships with your friends, co-workers, employees, and even negotiating parties. With co-workers and employees, list the problems you are experiencing and list ideas and possible solutions to eliminate the problems at hand. This will become a much more effective way of communicating differences, as well as an opportunity to improve the work environments.
With negotiations, apply the same method. Try actually sitting on the same side of the table and list a mutual desired outcome on the board (i.e. the product, price, and features). As a team (both negotiating parties), strive to make changes to form a positive outcome for each party. This can result in a long-term successful partnership.